In the Room: Three Ways to Encourage Women to Speak Up in Meetings

Have you ever been in a meeting where you’re at the edge of your seat, finally ready to share your perfectly crafted contribution or drop that pearl of wisdom? And then, as it gets closer to your turn, you look around and hesitate — and just like that, the moment passes. The opportunity to speak up seemingly evaporates, as does the contribution you worked so hard to mentally prepare in advance. You sit back and say, “next time,” and the merry-go-round is off again. And so it goes, until you realize that you simply never speak up in meetings.

Recently, in back-to-back coaching sessions, I heard the exact same story from four women in very different roles — ranging from VP to support staff, but they shared the same refrain. I am fully aware of my competence, but speaking up is hard and awkward, and I don’t want to say the wrong thing, sound silly, or not look professional by formulating it the wrong way.

If this sounds familiar: it’s time to get out from under yourself and stop self-censoring. I say this as someone who has been in the same camp; I disliked speaking up in meetings because I wanted to be sure that once all eyes were on me, my contribution was beautifully crafted. Why? Because I assumed that people were looking at and judging me, which is the consequence of spotlight theory: the tendency to assume that we are the center of attention. It’s a bit like thinking you are on the red carpet at all times (however, am sorry to break it to you, only a wee percentage make it to the Oscars!). What are your colleagues honestly doing in meetings most of the time? Taking notes, mentally preparing for the next call, or plotting which Netflix series they will be binge-watching tonight. People are not always as present nor paying attention as much as they should be, so realize that your contribution likely won’t make or break anyone’s day. Another term for this is FOPO: fear of other people’s opinions. Whilst indeed some people may be observing you, often they are busy in their own heads — and, quite frankly, far more engrossed in their own work. 

So, leaders: I encourage you to help your team members speak up more, recognizing that this is a concern for many employees, particularly women. Here are three ways to do so:

Curb the Zoomathon

If you are in a leadership position, notice the energy in the room. Who is speaking, and for how long? Is one person monopolizing the conversation? Who hasn’t said a word, and how can you bring them in naturally without shining a spotlight? 

Get Creative

How else can your team share information? Could you introduce different ways of sharing in a meeting? Perhaps have people speak in pairs to get them used to having their voice in the room, or have employees write down their ideas — which also offers a different pace to the meeting. Validating ideas in different ways makes people feel welcome and included, which is more necessary than ever.

Name Your Norms

Employees are often reluctant to contribute because they want their thoughts to come out just right, and are embarrassed if they don’t sound smart or eloquent enough. So, what norms can you set up ahead of your meetings so that everyone understands that this is a judgment-free area, and that getting it wrong is a welcome part of the culture?

Organisations thrive when different voices are part of the conversation. Leaders: lead by example, and remind your team that speaking up is encouraged and that you will not be catching them off-guard with a red carpet arrival (unless you are in the film industry, in which case…feel free to use all the spotlights you need).

With joy,

Dr. Helen